


Take My Hand

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, Transgender, hormone replacement therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17533958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: After being dumped by boyfriend Justin, you confide in best friend Spencer the exact reason why. You’ve never felt male. Ever. You want to transition and Justin couldn’t accept that, so he dumped you. Spencer promises to be by your side no matter what, no matter how scary it all gets, and along the way, something takes a hold that neither of you expected.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Take My Hand

After Justin, you were sure you’d never tell anyone else ever again. But you had to. Years and years and years had passed feeling like you were in the wrong body and finally you’d allowed yourself to say out loud that you didn’t feel male - you felt female.

The second the revelation left your lips you felt better, and there was no turning back now no matter how scary things became. No matter who you might lose. The person you’d been most afraid to lose was Spencer, your best friend since childhood. Hell, your mothers had gone to lamaze classes together. Cradle to grave had never described two people better.

It took nearly half a bottle of wine before you’d finally built up the nerve to tell him. “Okay, so you know how I struggled with my sexuality for a long time, right?”

“Yea,” he’d replied, clearly a bit confused with the sudden change of topic.

“That’s not all. I’ve always felt...like a woman and...I want to transition.”

“Okay.” He smiled at you and waited for you to say something else. 

“Okay?”

“Yea, PB, you’re my best friend. That doesn’t change anything. Is...is that why Justin broke up with you?” His lighthearted smile suddenly turned somber. When you nodded, he looked like he wanted to throttle something.

Smiling at the affectionate nickname, the peanut butter to his jelly, you’d run to him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “Spencer, thanks. Thanks for just being you.”

“No matter who you are, we’re always PB & J.”  
\-----  
Thank fuck for Spencer.

At least he’d stayed by your side. in the six months, since you’d confessed to everyone that you were going to transition after struggling for most of your life, the only person that stood by your side was him. Your parents hadn’t disowned you, but they were still “getting used to things,” including calling you by your new name, which although you understood, still stung. 

Every relationship had changed, most for the worst - except for Spencer. Everything had changed because you had, but he acted as he always did. As long as he had off from work, you’d meet for dinners on Thursday nights. Now he just had to wait a little longer if you had HRT, but his complete acknowledgment of what you were going through while changing nothing at all left you feeling like you had at least one anchor in your life.

As you walked down the street, happy with the progress you’d made over the last six months, you saw Spencer at the table you normally frequented and waved. “Hey, J.”

“How’d your doctor’s appointment go?”

“Good, everything is happening as it should be at the moment. I’m a little impatient because I want to see the big changes, but i know this is going to take time.”

Before Spencer could respond, the waiter came to the table with both of your usual meals in hand. “You ordered for me?”

“You never get anything different and I know it’s been a long day, so I figured I’d make sure it was almost ready by the time you got here.”  
You smiled at the waiter and thanked him for your food. “Thanks, Spence. I’m starving.”  
\-----  
Another year passed on HRT with Spencer right by your side. Your mother and father were getting more and more used to how things they were going to be, but on occasion, they still called you your birth name, which Spencer reprimanded them for without question. “Try harder,” he’d replied when they’d told him how difficult it was. “If you want a relationship with your daughter you’re going to have to get used to things.”  
A warm feeling spread throughout your body whenever Spencer defended you. In the past year and a half, he’d been your constant, and while before he’d always been your best friend, something about the relationship was changing, at least on your end and it brought about that far and away thought that you could lose him if you ever said something.

Spencer served as your only anchor in life. Everything else was a constant rollercoaster, so telling him that maybe you were falling in love with him and risk losing him was something you weren’t willing to risk. “Thanks, Spence.”

Nearly a week after that dinner, you were at Spencer’s apartment getting ready to do your weekly breakfast for dinner at the diner down the street when you caught Spencer’s gaze hovering on your body - noticeable changes now taking place. For a second, you wondered if he felt what you felt, but the risk was still too great.  
\-----  
Hormone replacement therapy was not quick - not by a long shot. It had been three years since you’d first started and although you looked and felt more like a woman every day, it still took you time to adjust to it all. Living as a man had been the norm, so finding a new routine as a woman took longer than you had patience for. 

On top of that, you father was growing more and more distant every day. While your mother finally started calling you by your chosen name and even took you out shopping for skirts when you’d filled out enough to buy them, you father couldn’t do it and you felt like you were losing him.  
And your feelings for Spencer had only grown, but you still couldn’t pluck up the courage to say anything. “What?” You yelled, feeling on edge for no particular reason. You immediately continued softly, “Sorry. I’m just...on edge.”

“PB, what’s wrong? I know the hormone changes are becoming more prominent but you seem like you have something else on your mind...talk to me.”  
Standing in his kitchen, you grabbed a glass of water instead of doing what you wanted, which was to delve into a bottle of wine. “It’s...nothing, Spence.”

“You hesitated. It’s not nothing. Come on, I’m supposed to the person you can tell anything to,” he said accusatorially.

Before you could stop yourself, you snapped back, “I can’t because it has to do with you!”

“What?” He looked like you’d just punched him in the stomach, but he didn’t look away. “What do you mean?”

“Spence...I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“Yes, I can,” he replied.

“How?”

“Because I’m in love with you, you idiot!”

Now it was your turn to look dumbfounded. “What did you say?”

“I’ve been falling in love with you. For years now, since before you started the HRT and they’ve only grown, but I didn’t want to add to your difficulties when you already had enough on your plate.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you wiped them away with the back of your finger. “You’re in love with me?”

“Yes.”

“Spence...I’ve...been falling for you. That’s why I’ve been on edge, because I didn’t want you to not reciprocate and then I’d lose you. I...you’re my anchor.” 

“Take my hand,” he said, reaching toward you. 

You stepped across the room and grabbed his hand, warmth washing over you - a feeling you’d come to crave over the years - as he wrapped you in his embrace. “You won’t lose me.”

“You’re sure you want to deal with all this as my boyfriend and not just my friend. I want to have reassignment surgery, but I don’t know when.”

“I’ve been falling in love with you, not what’s in your pants, PB. Whether you have it or not makes no difference to me other than it making you happy and more comfortable.”

You let out a short huff of laughter and stared into his hazel eyes. “Why are you so amazing?”

“I’m not,” he replied with a smile. “I just want you to be happy. Would you be happy with me?”

Nodding, you gasped when he caressed the sides of your neck and brought you in for a kiss, his lips feather-light on yours. “Then that’s all I need.”


End file.
